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Jan 22 2016

“Cheesy Cartoons” takes a shine to Stone Protectors!!

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Hey there J1 fans, Devildriver1313 is back! Happy New Year (although belated) and welcome to a new edition of “Cheesy Cartoons! In the decade of rave parties, grunge music and MTV’s Liquid Television, there were plenty of toy crazes. Among them was the troll doll which marketed the magical creatures to young girls and brought luck to grandma on Bingo night at church. However, a larger audience needed to be reached so a TV series was created. And that series was Stone Protectors.

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Stone Protectors followed the adventures of five members of an awful rock band known as Rock Detectors in a New York night club who find magical stones that grant them powers. They are then whisked away to the world of Mythrandir to help Empress Opal in her fight against the evil Zok and bring peace to Mythrandir. The Stone Protectors consist of Cornelius, the group’s leader, who holds the green stone and became a samurai with an assortment of appropriate weaponry (katana, shuriken, and a pair of nunchaku made of microphones). He’s the band’s lead singer, but also plays guitar. Chester who holds the red stone and became an expert at wrestling and received great strength. He plays bass guitar and saxophone. Clifford holds the blue stone and became a “rock climber.” He is the band’s drummer. Angus holds the yellow stone and became a “soldier” and an expert at turning mundane objects into weapons. He plays keyboard. Angus ostensibly built up the Protectors’ bizarre attack vehicles from things like barbecues and lawnmowers. And Maxwell holds the orange stone and became an “accelerator” with in-line skates. He plays guitar.

If Skeletor and the Creature from the Black Lagoon performed the Fusion Dance...

If Skeletor and the Creature from the Black Lagoon performed the Fusion Dance…

CHEESE FACTOR!! It seemed like everybody was trying to rip off Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Street Sharks (which was previously featured) jumped on the Turtle band wagon and Stone Protectors followed suit. This show was a blatant rip off. Cornelius used weapons such as shuriken, a katana and nunchaku which are the same weapons that Leonardo and Michelangelo use. Angus can make vehicles and weapons out of everyday items. Does that sound like Donatello to you or is it just me? And let’s not forget (though some of you have) that the badguy Zok looks like the Creature from the Black Lagoon had performed the Fusion Dance with Skeletor, and Zink, the Horrible Hatchetman, looks exactly like that, a horrible henchman.

WHY WE WATCHED!! To pass the time away is the best answer I can give for this cartoon. It was bad. But like a train wreck, you can’t look away. We most likely kept watching this show just to see what was going to happen next. And the cheese factors are another reason.

The Stone Protectors (L to R): Chester, Cliff, Cornelius, Maxwell, Angus

The Stone Protectors (L to R): Chester, Cliff, Cornelius, Maxwell, Angus

Stone Protectors lasted just 13 episodes with only 8 of those episodes released on VHS. It’s notable that while the advertisements for the action figures attempted to tie the Stone Protectors into the troll doll fad, the cartoon seemed eager to avoid the comparison. For instance, it replaced the line “trolls on a roll” from the theme song in the commercials with “Don’t you know?” Unfortunately, the cartoon as well as the toyline that proceeded it were seen as poor imitations of the popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles line of toys and cartoon series and overlooked by many. There was even a game released for the SNES that was just as cheesy with GamePro calling it “a frustrating journey.” Ouch. Like any cheesy cartoon, we cannot forget Stone Protectors even though we really want to.

Stone Protectors gets a cheesy rating of:
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The only redeeming quality is the intro.

Stone Protectors SNES game